When I learned how to count and connect the dots, I never imagined I would ever get to connect these dots! I think this should be part of sex ed classes. Seriously. Most kids having sex in this country don’t know how to count either… so imagine what these books can do for the youth of America! I’m here to help. Helping America’s youth. That’s me. That’s what I do.



‘Cause everyone needs a pair of shoes made of bread…well, lookie here!!!

I hope they’re comfortable enough to wear on a hike. See, that way I won’t have to carry a bag of bread crumbs to find my way back. I’ll follow the pieces of my shoe that fall off! My goodness I’m a genius.



Batshitcrazy Bridezilla

Nothing in this picture leads me to believe that this bride was an obnoxious, horrible Bridezilla. Nope. Not even the life size cake decorated to look like the classy bride herself… I bet you this crazy bitch threw a fit when she saw the bodice of her cake dress was yellow, and not white, like her ugly dress.


Ode To Blog

Dear Blog,

Can you forgive me? Will you? Let me explain.

I’ve neglected you. And I’m sorry. See I started a new job, blog. And this job, though fresh and shiny and new, is overworking my poor brain and my stubby little fingers.  I used to sit around in my pajamas all day, showering only when necessary while working from the convience of my couch. Oh Regis & Kelly how I miss you so. Your witty banter paired with a side of coffee was the jumpstart to my morning. ‘Twas a good time, blog. I had oodles of free time to scour the internet to fill your pages with awe and delight. It was then blog, that we bonded. And what fun we had! You always knew how to make me smile. Oh, what’s that blog? Aw shucks… You’re making me blush, blog! I miss you too. I will return soon… and we will laugh at the insanity and the stupidity of the world around us. xoxo

Look! It’s Mr. Mean Cookie Face!


Picasso… Monet… Da Vinci and… Ronald McDonald (!?) It’s only a matter of time before the Mona Lisa becomes Jenny Craig’s newest spokesperson…



Batshitcrazy Shoes

I’m what some people may call spatially challenged. You could lock me in my bedroom for an hour and when it’s time for me to come out, I’d have one of these suckers around my wrist, the other dangling from my neck. I don’t get it. But apparently, this is a shoe. Yes, one of those things you wear on your feet. I have no clue how it works, but I want one. Well, two.

And a high heel shoe at that. Designed by London architect Julian Hakes, the Mojito shoe is made of carbon fiber–to give it strength and spring–and laminated with rubber on the bottom and leather–from furniture manufacturers in High Wycombe, England–on top.



Batshitcrazy Hair-dooos

This gives a whole new meaning to the term “hat head.”  But what about in places where you’re not allowed to wear a hat inside!? What does he do!? WHAT DOES HE DO!?  I wonder if he ever changes the style. Personally, I prefer the Fedora look over the standard baseball cap. You can dress it up, or dress it down depending on the occasion. Way more options. Just sayin’…

Side note: Why do all Japanese videos have such insanity on the screen. WHAT is all that!? Somebody please translate. I feel claustrophobic.