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Archive for March, 2010

I’ve never been someone who wanted to be famous. Actually, the thought alone gives me an anxiety attack. I hate being on camera. I look like a 12 year old fat kid on screen. I see cameras and run. Lightning speed. But I have to say, there is something mildly exciting in those few moments in life where “unexpected” fame finds you. (And let’s keep things relative here. When I talk fame, I’m talking about the 20 or so people in my life I actually force to give a damn)

This week, one of my good friends IM’d me “you’re famous” with a link to an article. Figuring it was a joke and he was just trying to lead me to midget porn, I opened it. Hey, I like little people! I practically am one! To my dismay, it was a real article. With no midget porn…. sigh. But then I saw it… my name! My tweet earlier in the day, had randomly been found by an author of an entertainment news article about the Twitterverse’s reaction to the lamest “reality” show  “The Hills” being canceled. My perfect soundbite, bashing my ex-employers once-hit show, seemed to complete his masterpiece. No better cosmic alignment could have prepared me for the out pour of attention I got. Hailed as a hero amongst many who had been tossed out on our asses from a once thriving music television network, I was giddy with joy.

My recent “brush with fame” got me thinking of the few moments in life I have been subjected to inadvertent fame. Since there was no Twitter until recently, my moments in the “spotlight” have all been on tv. And all have been not as joyful as my recent one. All of them have been incredibly awkward and weird. So I decided to pick a few and share them. ‘Cause I’m sure you’re all compelled. Just as I am to write this. Seriously, its Friday night, I haven’t left my couch since I got home from work, ate won ton soup and girl scout cookies for dinner and now have a 3rd wind at 2:30am. I pretty much rule. But… I digress.

My first appearance on tv happened to be on the local news back in the mid 1980’s. I had won a workout with Mary Lou Retton! Yes, THAT Mary Lou Retton. Off her big Olympic win, I got to stretch and do kart wheels and shake my ass in front of a large crowd at the Fox Hills Mall. A quick overhead camera pan over me doing some jazzercise moves nearly catapulted my celebrity career. I’m so glad the fame never went to my head…

Throughout my years in college in Santa Barbara, I worked at the Wherehouse music store. One Christmas season, the shopping center that our store was part of was doing a local cable commercial to generate some holiday buzz. I happened to be working the day they were shooting the commercial. They were looking for a young boy to be in the commercial to ‘act’ excited and overjoyed when Santa presented him with a brand new CD for Christmas. So who better to cast in a Christmas commercial than a 20 year old Jewish girl!? Apparently I looked 10, waspy, and have a boyish charm about me. I made my acting debut… and ended my acting career all in one cable access holiday commercial. I think I really made an impression on the public. At least  to my friends, mostly stoned out of their minds as I magically appeared on their tv screen.

Perhaps my most awkward television appearance was working on the tv show “The Osbournes.” We were doing a Christmas Special and a bunch of celebrities were coming to “join” the Osbourne’s big  Christmas Party. I, working in talent, was expected to escort in celebrities to the house. First up, JC Chasez, from N’Sync. I met him in the front yard and walked with him towards the house. As we approached the front of the house, the massive double doors opened and right in front of me was a giant camera.  It was like being on the edge of the Grand Canyon looking directly into the deep cavernous hole in the ground, staring directly into my own fateful death. Um. What did I do next? Contorted my body in a desperate attempt to get out of the shot. What did I end up looking like? Like some asshole attempting to do the snake. On national tv. I never made it out of frame. So instead, I was just some awkward random chick doing the snake, in the company of JC Chasez.  I learned my lesson soon after that, and decided to just keep my head down, hair in front of my face as to hide myself’ as I approached those massive doors again. Cut to: comedian Eddie Griffin, walking in with Cousin It. On National television.

I also played (forced actually) an extra twice, once as a karate student and once as a fearful hostage during my days working on the show “Once and Again.” I think I was cut out of both episodes. Coincidence? Hmmm… See, I’m just not meant to be famous. I accepted my fate years ago. My only times in the “spotlight” have been both awkward and embarrassing. I’ve embraced the fact I will never be that graceful, cool girl who happens to be walking by some camera men as they film. I’ll be the chick who walked by, fell over a planter, landing face first on the cement ground as security rushes to my aid to stop the gushing blood from my chin. And it will air… on national television.

Oh yeah, and there was that one time I was featured during an scandalous undercover report on 20/20 that led to a lawsuit. But that’s for another blog…

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